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hehe, from this day on, i decided to honor the english readers with my brilliant writing skills. Although i haven't decided yet, whether first i write in turkish and then translate it to english; or just write in English and let the turkish readers suffer! =)
wait a minute...
yes i think i figured it out!
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Late last night i was talking with Ugur. (one of my best friends. As every Turkish name has a meaning, his name's is "Good Luck") (btw: mine is read like "John" and means "Soul" or "Spirit" or "Life" ) He was telling me about a bad incident he experienced. It wasn't so damn big deal but the disappointment he felt was overwhelming as usual.
We two can understand each other so well and i understood what led him to edge, by his feverish tone. Although our "pouring out one's grief" ritual was going as usual, something he said got my attention.
A question had been arose in front my dear friend who has big dreams and big ideals. The Girl asked him, "In which place(rank) you hold me in your life?" Like a queue of people, she ment, which shows the order of importance.
From my previous long term relationship which lasted four years, i did encounter this question a lot. As i heard Ugur saying this, i stopped writing and in my mind, i started to give an order to people in my life starting from my family and continuing with best friends.
Then suddenly Ugur, who is one of the slowest keyboard typer i've ever known, made an explanation which cancelled my plans to tell about my experiences about this awful question.
He gave me a cool tip or a great aspect about life.
He said : "People surround us and we surround them too."
I thought about this a lot and he was pretty damn right!
People surround us and we surround them too. Our interraction is like bubbles on the surface of a liquid. There is a radius between us and them. Some of us are large bubbles, some are small. If you become a large one, your perimeter widens and you can touch a lot. But most of the important people around us (like family), are always larger than us by their close relation natures (it may not be by their humanity values). Although two circles can touch each other in one point and there are infinite points on a perimeter, these large circles always block small ones' outer limits. They may even get far away from you and lose contact. But there are no direct lines travel between your center and another bubble's. This rule is applied even for the ones in contact. Whole of the bubbles gives us a great model about human relations. There are no lines or ranks between us. Sometimes we touch, sometimes we don't. But we surround and get surrounded.
There are times you may see some bubbles over others. These are the ideals i think. They overlap many of us, but yet, they are alone by their essence. Like peaks of great mountains, their presence inspire you. Makes you wanna live to the end. Hope for the best.
There may be other bubbles whose top is free from these peaks but you shouldn't be mistaken by this foolishness. This is no freedom. In the abscence of peaks you are fragile and purposeless. Only interraction you get from life is with other little or large bubbles. You cannot be in touch with any thought, any idea or any kind of awareness. Like crowds, your life flows to an ocean of corruption, where the populism grins at last.
When i think of people like me or Ugur, i find out that our best dream is to blow up into this large bubble above our head. Our purposes about life can only be fulfilled by being one, being united with our ideals and dreams. This may seem like a suicide from outside, but the truth is, we were always our ideals at first. Our little bubbles' borders are just unnecessary details like daily worries, false ideals of community or animal instincts.
As we become the peak, our perimeter widens and we finally be able to reach out for others to save.
This is a painfull act. Only cure for this pain is knowledge i think.
Cogito ergo doleo... i think, therefore i suffer!
Can Toraman, 27-5-2007, Ankara, Turkey.
